Am I Privileged

Am I privileged?

The events over the last few weeks have left me asking myself if I am racist. What does racism even mean? I looked it up and found two definitions:  1) prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized; and 2) the belief that different races possess distinct characteristics, abilities, or qualities, especially so as to distinguish them as inferior or superior to one another.

I don’t think that I consider myself privileged or better than others based on the color of my skin. But, am I more fortunate that I was raised in a home that had married parents who had good jobs? Of course! Am I fortunate that they could provide food and shelter for us, while there are others who worry where their next meal will come from? You bet!  Am I fortunate that they disciplined us and didn’t give us  everything that we asked for? Yes! 

My dad and mom were both raised in poverty. My mom was raised on a farm that didn’t have running water until after she graduated high school around 1960! My dad had a mom who was deathly sick and he cared for and cooked for her at the age of 8. He scrounged the water banks near his hometown of Dunlap looking for any type of metal he could sell for money, which I believe is what gave him his nickname of “Brass”.  They were both very, very fortunate to get jobs at the railroad, which allowed them to buy a nicer home and car and to provide for my brothers and I.  But, it didn’t give us an endless supply of money. It didn’t afford any of us a college education. If we wanted that education, we were going to have to pay for it. Back when I graduated high school in 1986, I was more interested in getting married than getting a college degree, despite having graduated at the top of my small class and loving the aspect of learning.  After marrying it took a lot of years for my husband and I to reach the economic status where we’d be if we had earned a college degree, but that was not something we could afford at the time, so we’ve used hard work and perseverance.  Are we “privileged”?  I wouldn’t say that, but I would say blessed.  And I don’t take it for granted.

I grew up in a small town with very little diversity. I still live in that town and the diversity has grown some, but still not very much.  But, I believe it is this lack of diversity that has me wondering what racism even is. We had one African American student in our high school and I never thought of him as any different. Sure, he had darker skin than I did, but I didn’t look at him and worry that he was going to steal my belongings or provoke violence. I, personally, just considered him another high school student.

I always say “if you didn’t know how old you are, how old do you think you’d be?”.  I think it’s the same with race -- if we didn’t have labels for our race, what would we call ourselves? What’s the purpose of that label anyway? Maybe we need to remove the labels from our census and our databases? I get that there are cultural reasons that this may be necessary, but why do we say “I’m White, I’m African American,, I”m Asian, I’m Native American, I’m Pacific Islander?”  I have a nephew that has an African American father. Do I look at him any different?  Heck no! Do I love his gorgeous curly hair? Absolutely!! Do I recognize that genetically he may have different health problems than my England-German-Sweden-Ireland heritage? Sure! Do I now worry more about him because of how I am seeing the rest of the world treat people of his color? Definitely! 

I married a man who has partial Native American heritage and during summer travel gets targeted more for “random” searches than me, but we have never claimed racism over that. He also did not grow up privileged. His dad died when he was 9 and he had 5 other siblings, all 18 and under. His mom didn’t graduate high school and her primary “job” was raising the kids while his dad did construction work. He then lost his legs due to diabetes, so they had a rough and impoverished life. But, he did learn what hard work is, and after we were married, he and I both continued to work hard and pave new paths.

When my kids were searching for scholarships before going off to college, there was an endless list for those of a different race than caucasian.  It was at that time that I wished I would have researched my husband’s Indian heritage deeper to gain the advantage of those scholarships that could have been available to them. But, we didn’t really talk about race and heritage -- we were who we were -- Christian Americans. My husband and I felt bad that we weren’t able to save for their college, but we had just enough through those years to pay our bills -- of which I am grateful.  Were we frustrated because they didn’t have scholarships for “white kids whose parents made just enough money to not be able to get financial assistance”? For sure!  Could we have pushed the Native American heritage earlier in their life? Yes, but honestly, we didn’t think about it because we didn’t talk about our race and nationality. We were who we were. At any rate,  my kids had great grades and talent, but not enough to get much scholarship money to help for their education. They are now faced with almost insurmountable student loan debt. But, they’ve earned those degrees through hard work and perseverance, and are working their tails off to pay down those loans.  

All of this is to say that I feel like the more we talk about racism, the more it forces us to focus on those labels. I’m not saying that there aren't issues that need to be addressed. Bad things have happened to African Americans; but bad things also happened to Native Americans in the past too. Bad things happen daily to people of any color. Injustice will always be a factor, but all of us can take it upon ourselves to push forward, work hard and persevere in the face of whatever comes our way, just like my Mom, Dad and husband have done. 

Above all else, we can love each other and see each other for who we are regardless of the color of the skin that covers us.

Retail vs. Online

I just read that Gordmann's is looking to file bankruptcy because they are having a hard time competing with online shopping and that got me to thinking about some things. My husband really doesn't like shopping online because it takes away from the local retailer.  I kind of agree with him, but have some legitimate reasons why I shop online, as well as a few suggestions for local retailers.

#1  I shop online for the convenience. I don't have to get all dressed up in case I run into someone I know. I am not vain at all (I went to church Sunday without any makeup because I had a horrible headache but knew the Sunday school would be short if I didn't go, so off I went without makeup).  At any rate, if I can shop online to save me time from making myself presentable, so be it.  Also, I can shop online after a store has closed, which may be the only time I had during the day to do so.

#2  It's easier for me to go to Amazon, type what I'm looking for and "boom", there it is (with about 10 other choices that are similar). I choose the Prime option and know I'm going to get it delivered to me in 2 days. You can't beat that!  Here's an example:  My husband's watch needed a new battery. He checked a retailer's online website to make sure they had the watch battery he needed. He typed in the store information and it showed they had 4 in stock; however, when he arrived there, he spent several minutes looking for the watch battery and then waited to talk to someone. Once he talked to someone, they checked where the watch batteries should be and NOTHIN' found. So, he's wasted gas and his time and the clerk's time looking for a watch battery that I found and ordered in less than 2 minutes on Amazon.

#3 I don't have to deal with the people. You know, I do LOVE people and I love talking to people and getting to know them. But, let's face it, "other" people can be super annoying in the stores. I am a Type A personality and wish that our aisles had traffic lines on the floor, so people have some guidance where their cart should be. Like, can we all drive on the RIGHT side unless we're passing a cart?  And, I wish people would know that you shouldn't stop and leave your cart in the middle of the aisle where nobody can get around no matter which direction you're going. And, you gotta love the screaming child who is wailing at the top of his/her lungs because they're not getting their way and a parent who is obviously deaf from the child's screaming that they can tune this child out, only for the rest of us in the store to hear! Need I go on?  If I have to go to an unnamed 'blue' store in our area, I have to mentally prepare myself before going in. I put on some Young Living Peace and Calming or Stress Away before going in, and know that I am set to be either amused or annoyed....or both.

#4  Oh, and the people talking on their cell phone while they're shopping... I am guilty at times, but I keep the convo short and brief.  I once watched a man wander the store with NOTHING in his cart while he talked on his cell phone.  He was going up and down the aisles for well over 15 minutes and kept talking and then he'd stop and stand there looking at items on the shelf, but never did he put anything in his cart... and he kept getting in my way because he'd just stand there.  I don't encounter that when I shop online. :)

#5 And, here's another reason why I don't always like shopping in the store, and one that maybe retailers should note: Some (not all) employees act like they don't want to be there. If you ask them a question, they act annoyed that you've even asked. Some (again, not all) act like they don't know anything and that we, the retail customer, are a bother to them.  Maybe, just maybe, if employees realized what a privilege it is to have a job (even if it's a retail job) and that their jobs are in jeopardy because of online shopping, they would be more friendly and more helpful? And, I have to say that I do try to be overly friendly to them, so it's not like I'm acting "entitled" for them to serve me.

#6 Oh, and who stopped building indoor malls in the Midwest? Good grief, I HATE the cold and would love to be able to go to the mall and do my shopping for multiple things in one nice, warm place. There are some beautiful shopping centers around the CB/Omaha area, but I have to go in and out of the building, and when it's cold... forget it... I'll shop online first.  Now, give me a nice day, some girl time and retail therapy, and I'll take that, but it just doesn't happen often enough!

I would love to patronize my local stores more often, but the trends are changing. If I could go into a store and do a quick computer search to know where in the store I can find something, maybe I would come back more often.  Or, better yet, if there was an actual person that was happy to help me find what I'm looking for I might just come back more often. Sometimes, it's fun to go browse, but life is busy and I just want to get in, find what I am looking for and get out.

Not sure what the solution is, other than increase the helpfulness and friendliness at the stores. And, if you want to stay employed, maybe get a job for UPS or FedEx, as I'm sure those jobs will grow with more online shopping.

#TeamEllen

Just last week on Thursday, June 4, 2015, our small community came together to support one of our own.  Ellen Campbell, daughter of Brad Campbell and granddaughter to lifelong resident, Leo Olsen, was in a car accident on April 22nd. She suffered critical injuries to her brain and the entire left side of her body, starting with the pelvis all the way down to her ankle.  She was taken to UNMC and was put into a medically induced coma to monitor and reduce her brain swelling. It was a long ten days waiting for her pressures to decrease. Her sister, Jane, was also in the accident and suffered a serious injury but was thankfully released within two days.

During the time at UNMC, she had surgery to insert hardware in her femur and ankle to literally hold everything together. On Day 10, they started decreasing the meds to bring her out of her coma. At first, she seemed confused and not focused. Over time, she started tracking movement in the room. After more time, she seemed to wave or smile in response to stimuli. She passed a swallow test, which was a big milestone. She was transferred to Madonna Rehab in Lincoln and started speaking one word at a time, but only in a whisper.  When I visited her last weekend at Madonna, she was still talking in a whisper but was communicating in sentences! She receives daily occupational and physical therapy and her expected release date is June 24, 2015.

During the first 10 days, it became obvious that her single, self-employed Dad would be missing a lot of work and would most likely be making a lot of trips to Lincoln after Ellen was moved to Madonna. Taylor Clark started a GoFundMe account and the amount swelled to over $15,000 in a matter of days.  It was at that same time that the idea for a spaghetti fundraiser was brought up by Elementary Counselor, Jann Strutzenberg. During the process, I became involved in trying to get it scheduled and the idea of a silent auction paired with the spaghetti dinner was introduced. Jann offered to take care of the food if I would do the silent auction.

So, here I am now reflecting back on the time since Ellen was in the accident and I am humbled by the community’s response to help. After Jann and I decided on a date and location, I created the Facebook invite.  Within MINUTES, I had 3 emails offering services and products for the benefit! Within 5 hours, I had at least 30 responses offering products for the silent auction and just as many responses for help with the dinner.  It was overwhelming, but welcome!

I have received a lot of “thank you’s” during this process and I almost always respond with “I can’t imagine not helping”.  First, I have been friends of the family practically all my life, Tandy has been friends with Brad for a very long time, and quite simply, I felt led to help out in any way that I could.

I am driven by Colossians 3:23 which says “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for man”.  Yes, I work for man, but ultimately I work for God.  I also hold fast to Galatians 6:9 which says “And let us not grow weary of doing good…”.  It can get tiring when you are serving others, but God gives me strength. God has blessed me greatly, and I felt the need to share.  One final thought about the “why” comes from 1 Corinthians 10:31, which says “Whatever you do, do all to the glory of God”.  God is the horsepower behind my desire.

As Chris Clausen so eloquently put it, “The total impact is so much bigger than the individual parts .. People poured out and God multiplied it.. He's still multiplying the good of it, in so many ways on top of the money.. It's just such an awesome thing!”

I wrote a blog in late April entitled “Life in Treynor” and I think the benefit last Thursday really drives home my convictions that Treynor is a great place to live!

I have many many people and organizations to thank and I really hope I don’t miss anyone!

• Hyee Madison Avenue CB - spaghetti, meat sauce, bread sticks, lettuce
• Ron & Deb Zimmerman, Hockenberg Newburgh - 500+ cookies & bars
• Modern Woodmen, Cindy Bryan (matching funds up to $2000)
• Thrivent (matching funds up to $1000)
• Taylor Clark - Go Fund Me set-up & coordination (which raised over $16,000)
• Dance Team (setup & serving)
• Carrie Schweer - Head Chef
• The Kitchen Crew:
• Missy Poland Wisniewski, Julie Kudron, Dawn Sornson, Lilly Kennedy, Sheryl Henderson, Sarah Saar, Gina Chapman, Janet Tiarks, Dawn Ediger, Lea Ann Dea, Rosalie Soloth, Candace Gregory, Jolene Lammert, Becky Dickerson, Patty Walter

Auction Donations (over 130 items). See slideshow for donations & donors: http://tinyurl.com/nqqfsnh

Auction Bidders ( you know who you are!)

B&Bs, Boyd & Bev - boiling all the spaghetti when the stove at the Community Center failed

The “Muscle” behind the Coordinators, Tandy Bailey & Dan Strutzenberg

My “Right Hands”: Audrey Reed & Amy Graber

Patty Walters - endless supply of help during and after the event

Optimist for the 50/50 Raffle (Dee Guttau, Chase Wells, John Klein & Judy Guttau)

Sally Myers - stepping up to help collect and call auction winners after

Tyler Radcliff -- videographer

Michelle Garside Photography - photo booth to capture memories of the night

Dalton Clark - guest book & counting $$

Austin Hiers - guest table & help counting $$

Michael Guidry - t-shirt sales

And, because I am most likely forgetting someone, take a look at these awesome pictures and you can see just how many people helped and came out to support #TeamEllen: https://www.facebook.com/rachel.stolz.7/media_set?set=a.1158896597470364&type=1

To sum it all up, there really are no adequate words but just to say THANK YOU to everyone for caring enough to set aside time and money to help a special young woman and her family.

Life in Treynor

You know, most people from around Southwest Iowa know of a little town called Treynor. They might know that the population is about 1000, that it sits about 11 miles east of Council Bluffs (20 miles from Omaha), and that it has a great school system. They also might think that the town is full of “snobby, unfriendly” people, but let me set the record straight on a few facts about this great town!

It has a population of 919, according to the 2010 census. Enrollment at the local school district is more than ¾ of the town’s population, with figures in 2015 at about 775 students. The school district reaches into the eastern edges of Council Bluffs, accounting for some of the students, but there is also a large percentage of students that open-enroll into the district because of its strong academics. Yes, I said academics (not athletics). We have a strong athletic program too, but academics do come first. If a student is failing one subject at midterms or quarters, they are ineligible to play until they reach eligibility status.

Treynor once held the names Four Corners and High Five, before it was named after Postmaster Treynor who fought to get a post office in the town. It has seen it’s share of stores and businesses come and go, including a hardware store, a vet clinic, a meat locker, a drugstore, a gift shop, an ice cream restaurant, a clothing store, and several grocery stores.

Current businesses are the local gas station, a sit-down restaurant and bar, a golf course & restaurant, a fitness facility, an appliance repair business, a bank, a storage facility, automotive repair shops, a tire repair shop, a car dealer, an ag supplier, a truck dealer, a chiropractor, hair stylists, barbers, and the long-standing post office.

It is a town full of loving and caring people who take care of their own AND others. Let me give you one example: There is a young boy, Kellen Morrison, from the Logan-Magnolia School District who is fighting cancer. Their basketball coach reached out to our coaches to inquire if their players would buy t-shirts to support Kellen’s fundraiser. What did we do? We bought t-shirts, but then we went further. Our coaches coordinated a “Shoot for a Cause” event! With over 73 athletes participating, over $10,000 was raised for Kellen. Most of us don’t even know Kellen, but we worked, donated and prayed for this little boy to get better. He’s still battling his cancer, by the way, and can be followed on his Caring Bridge Website: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/kellenmorrison

Our boys basketball team made a return trip to state this year and against all odds, won the championship! But, you know what’s even better? The fans won the Sportsmanship Award! State Officials were quoted as saying that it is very rare for the Championship team to also win the Sportsmanship Award. As a cheer coach, I know how it can be a challenge to get the crowd to cheer with the cheerleaders, but the state championship game was one of the best crowds I have ever experienced in the 40 years I have been a Treynor-ite. It was like a transformation began and the feeling of really standing behind our athletes pulsed through the crowd. Everyone was yelling, and cheering and clapping as if to say “We’re behind you 100%, boys! We support you! We believe in you!”. After the Championship game was won, an Iowa City-Regina player was quoted in a news article as saying "It's hard to get caught up in that, and their fans were going crazy. We just couldn't pull through." Wow! What a day that was. It’s always great to be a Cardinal, but to get to experience a Championship win like that was memorable.

Let me continue….Last year, after four residents took their own life, a community alliance was formed to focus on reaching out to our neighbors and getting to know them better. Treynor Community Outreach was formed and from that program, many branches of service projects have formed. For instance, Little Libraries were facilitated by the Outreach Committee, but carried out and installed by our local students during Pay It Forward Day on Homecoming. Block Parties were held throughout the community over the summer and fall with more to come this coming summer. The group plans to facilitate quarterly forums, which is to help share, showcase, communicate, inspire and build relationships with people in our community to help Treynor become a better place to live and work.

And, just last Wednesday, a precious, beautiful 11th grade student, Ellen Campbell, was involved in a car accident. Her 13-year-old sister, Jane, was in the vehicle too and she was seriously injured. Jane has thankfully been released. The accident critically injured Ellen and the doctors have her in a medically induced coma to help heal the brain injury that she suffered. Her right leg is also seriously injured with surgeries and rehabilitation in the future. This community has pulled together already and lifted up hands in prayer for these girls to heal quickly. Knowing it may be a long road to recovery, a local resident started a GoFundMe account for Ellen. Within 12 hours, the donations were over $5,000 and, within a day, donations were over $10,000! Incredible, isn’t it? I can guarantee that we will all continue to love, support and pray for Ellen and the family during this difficult time.

So, I ask you: Does Treynor sound like a town full of unfriendly and uncaring people? I know it can sometimes take a while to feel like you fit into any new community, not just Treynor. We put that upon ourselves when we don’t know others. But, I challenge you to come to Treynor, Iowa and find out for yourself just how great it is to live here!

Christmas

Isaiah 2:13-14 says "suddenly, the angel was joined by a vast host of others-the armies of heaven-praising God and saying, glory to God in highest heaven and peace on earth to those with whom God is pleased".  I read that as the encouraging word from Klove this morning and thought it was going to be a Christmas message I was more familiar with. Can't you just picture a host of angels praising God and singing? How glorious their voices must sound!!!

I read here too that peace is given to those with whom God is pleased, and I wonder if He is pleased with me. I instantly think of all the mistakes I have made and sins I have committed and I hang my head. I wonder how God can continue to bless me with good health, answered prayers to keep my children safe from harm and evil, and a loving husband who works hard and loves me. I wonder how I have been blessed with a warm and cozy home while others have no home at all. I read stories about teenagers who die too soon in car accidents or from cancer and my heart breaks for their families and I thank God that I can still hug my kids. I read stories of children who are missing and I can't even begin to imagine their pain. Yet, the real question I ask God is whether He is pleased with me or disappointed. I know that I can never do enough service or bible reading or fervent prayer to earn God's grace. Jesus is a gift to us. At Christmas time or birthday, when you are given a gift, you don't have to do anything to receive or earn that gift. You only have to accept the gift. I have accepted the gift of Jesus into my heart and took him on in baptism so that I might live a new life. I continue to stumble and fall and go off course, but Jesus is my light(house). He gives me direction in the darkness of my heart. He shows me the way and sometimes I don't always listen but be keeps showing me the light(word) as a guide. He is my rock and redeemer. I am so grateful that Jesus came down and His word became flesh and dwelt among us (John 1:14) and that he walked among the earth to ultimately be sacrificed for MY sins. That doesn't mean that I can go on purposely sinning just because he sacrificed for me (Romans 6:1) but it does mean I can carry on and try to walk the walk. I can keep on keepin on. And I can continue to thank God that Jesus was sent down to be born of the Virgin Mary. 

This is Christmas, the day that we celebrate Jesus' birth. It's a season that we come together with family and friends and share gifts to each other, eat too much, share hugs and embraces, and tell our family more often that we love them. It's the season of heartache too for those that have loved ones that have gone home before us. For me, it's a time to reflect and be overwhelmed with gratitude for the blessings of my family and friends. I have so much to be thankful for, but I am most thankful not only that Jesus was born but that he died for me and conquered the grave so that I may have eternal life with Him.

Happy Birthday Jesus!

Looking Back ... Looking Forward

Today brings about lots of feelings of sentiment. As I sat watching the Treynor Marching Band perform at Loess Hills Festival in Glenwood and realizing that next week will be the last week of 6 years of watching my own kids perform under the awesome direction of Jeff Schoening, I started feeling a little sentimental.  Even on our way home from Glenwood, hearing about my niece's little family of 2.5 kids, and trying to manage her and her husband's schedule with an 8-year-old, 1-year-old and one on the way, I looked over at Tandy and just smiled. It really doesn't seem that long ago that we were doing the same.  I don't know when the tide shifted and when we stopped being crazy with kids' schedules, but it really doesn't seem that long ago. Yes, we still go here and there for our kids, but with Brad in college, our days of chasing after the kids' activities has dwindled a bit.  I don't know what it will be like next year at this time with an empty nest, but I'm sure it will be bittersweet.

Next Friday, the 1st quarter of school ends.  That means 3 quarters left of my 'baby's" senior year of high school. I know it's just a cliche, but really, where ever did the time go?!?  As Ashley heads off with her friends to go out to eat and visit a haunted house, I'm reminded of the time we went to a local haunted house when she was 8, and how she has NEVER gone to a haunted house since.  She absolutely loves scary movies, but just the talk of going to a haunted house caused a racing heart and near hyperventilation last year. She is being very brave this year.  She said "I just need to do it!".  Way to face your fears head on, my dear! I'm so proud of you in many, many ways!

Looking back some more...

I recall what seems like yesterday saying good-bye to my Dad. I can't help but smile thinking about him and his "quirky" ways. He loved life and lived it to the fullest. He probably fit 80 years of life into his 60 short years! He had a tough life growing up, taking care of his sick mom when he was 8. He made a great living working for the railroad (as did my mom) and provided us with a nice home and nice things, but mostly provided us with love. He truly never knew a stranger and I think about how much my friends loved coming to my house, because they loved my parents. I know he smiles down on us and watches my kids with joy. Although...he probably has a hard time with Brad going to school in Husker-land, but I'm sure he loves, loves, loves that Brad is such an awesome golfer and is pursuing a career in golf. I also know when my niece was quite upset with her dad, I reminded her how short life can be and to not waste time being mad at those you love.

I remember going on a trip to Branson and Ashley & I went into the "upside down house".  We paid our tickets and began the journey, when not too far into the house, a sound like an earthquake came through the speakers. It was a simulation, but she wanted nothing to do with that stupid place! Nothing I said could convince her to keep going.

I recall another trip to Branson a few years later when both Brad and Ashley were teenagers and kids' prices no longer applied to any of the attractions or shows we went to.  The "song of the trip" was Black Eyes Peas' I Gotta Feeling.  Hearing that on my iPhone now instantly brings back memories of driving to Branson and loving how my kids were getting along in the backseat singing the lyrics perfectly to this song. I realize today that those memories are precious, but never to be had again.  I can only pray that my kids will have a family to make memories like this with.

Over 20 years ago, when Tandy and I bought into a vacation plan, the salesman told us "you can give your kids' things, but the memories from vacations will last a lifetime". Although that was his sales-pitch, his words sold us, and his statement has stuck with me. Most of our trips down memory lane is spent recalling our vacations. Even when we did "stay-cations", we still have those memories. We did stay-cations before stay-cation became a word! We would plan our week and act as though we were out of town. No plans could be made with friends while on our staycation. We would do different things around the area, such as the zoo, bowling, golfing, shopping, eating out on a daily basis, bike riding on the trails, going to Nebraska City for the Day, visiting the museums, etc. We will be going on one last family vacation this year to Cozumel. While I realize that we could maybe go again, I know that once Ashley goes off to college, it will be much harder to find the right time for all of us to go.

Looking back makes me sad and sentimental, but that doesn't sound right, does it? Especially when most of the memories are happy ones. Even though this year will be filled with many "last times" for Ashley and for us, I can't wait to see what the future holds. I only wonder if her haunted house visit tonight will be a "last time".




"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm  you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

All Because of Pickles

I usually live life with enthusiasm, optimism and determination but I realized tonight (or early this morning) that my enthusiasm for life may be too overwhelming for others. I went to a football game tonight and purchased a sub sandwich at the concession stand. I didn't realize it had pickles until I got back to the bleachers. I removed the pickles and pitched them over the back of the bleachers. I think I got a few glances, but at the time I honestly didn't think much about it. I would never throw a cup or wrapper like that but I think food is harmless since the rodents or birds will get it later. Have you ever had a moment where you said to yourself "did I do that!?" I seriously have been awake since 3 AM thinking how I must have looked to others.  I know there are worse things I could have done but this really bothers me to think how I must have looked.

All because of pickles I have started this blog. Many times I look back over my day and replay events in my head and ask if I could have handled it differently and if I handled things in a Godly way.

As I tossed and turned, I started replaying the entire night in my head.  I am a cheerleader at heart (and also a cheer coach) so I tend to actually cheer and be loud at games.  It wasn't until my husband told me to change my pitch that I realized I must have been extra loud. Do I really think that the players can hear me? Maybe... Maybe not.  But imagine if nobody cheered or yelled from the crowd because they didn't think the players would hear them. We wouldn't together create the noise that makes a football game a football game. I don't know why my pitch was so high but it must have been annoying enough for my husband to say something. So I lowered my pitch and second guessed myself the rest of the game. However I didn't stop cheering for the boys.

It was a good game by the way. I don't think these boys could win without enthusiasm and determination and heart. There is one particular player that is admirable in his determination to never give up. He is inspiring to his other teammates. I want to be like him. I want to be inspiring but not obnoxious.  There's a fine line, isn't there?

I have always told my cheerleaders that we are all special and unique and that God created us all different for a purpose. What would the world be like if we all excelled at the same thing? Imagine if everyone knew how to do my job of troubleshooting computer problems. There wouldn't be the teachers to teach, the preachers to preach, the mechanics to fix the cars, the plumbers to fix the water pipes, the astronauts to go to the moon, the farmers to feed the nation, or the psychologists to help us figure out what makes our brains tick. Life would be pretty boring.

I know God made me just the way I am and I also know it's okay to look back on my day and evaluate it to see if I could have reflected Him better. If I owe an apology, I will ask for forgivenesses and promise to do better the next time. But I also realize that I can't apologize for my enthusiasm and zest for life. To do so would be to smother the personality that God gave me. My only hope is that I can use that enthusiasm to better serve His purpose.